How I Experience Doubt

I’d love to say that I notice doubt like a clear voice in my head that I instantly mute like a boss. And the truth is, nah dog, I ain’t a boss on this. 

My experience is that doubt simmers, sweeps in, sweeps out, flirts with your mojo - straight up tries to steal yo’ girl - and then pesters you like a screen door flapping in the wind. 

Doubt, in my experience, is ugly, stupid, scared, small, persistent, and demoralizing. And all of that consumes me until I become those things too. 

Doubt doesn’t swallow me up so much as cloak itself over me like an invisible blanket. Funny, it makes me think I am, and then act like I am, invisible myself. 

I am a founder, former CEO, sales leader, team leader, spouse, parent (dogs), sibling, child, mentor. I function in the real world. I am a white collar professional. I uphold my responsibilities. People have expectations of me, and I have expectations of myself. I pay bills. I offer counsel to others. And in all of these ways, I am not unlike you. 

You do not see my doubt, but like neglect, doubt is not about what I do, it’s about what I don’t do. Is it the same for you?

Does doubt slow you down? Does it make you small? Does it make you shy away? Does doubt make you rationalize “no” when you would ordinarily say “yes”? It does for me. 

How do I get over doubt? 

What I am about to say doesn’t happen in 10 minutes or an hour or even a day or two. Sometimes it takes a few days, weeks, or even months. 

I don’t really “get over” doubt. I understand it, and I accept it. 

It sounds like a ton of questions, a pursuit of proof, and then tiny little actions that give me proof in real-time, that I’ll be okay once I start.

Over the course however long it takes, usually relative to the anticipation of the outcome for which I doubt myself, here’s what it can sound like to do that:

“Why am I spiraling?

Why am I stuck?

Why am I miserable?

Well Dave, what are your behaviors right now?

Ah, X, Y, and Z…my tell-tale signs of doubt.

What do you doubt about yourself?

What do you doubt about your environment?

What do you doubt about the outcome(s) you’re uncertain about?

Cool, buddy. Take a beat.

Listen.

Listen.

Ahh…you’re scared. Scared of X.

Scared you can’t handle X.

Scared that X will result in Y, and you’re unsure you can handle Y.

Let’s go look for proof you can.

Take stock.

Validate, internally.

Go get some validation, externally.

If you don’t get any, validate internally again.

Proof.

Make a plan with tiny little action items.

So small you can’t not do them.

Now do them.

Now you’ve started.

Proof.

You’re going to be fine.

Keep going.

Proof.

You got this.”

I experience doubt as an inescapable part of life. Not because I am weak or defeatist but because I’m ambitious and human. As can be the case for anyone ambitious, my stakes get higher; my arena gets larger; my spotlight burns hotter and so my doubt travels with me. 

So I listen for when it’s taking up the space and dictating my behavior. And then I accept that it is a part of life, always has been and always will be. It is both a signal that I am expanding and a chokepoint I will need to navigate. Listen, and accept. Then work.

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