Blog -
Insights & Actions
The Case for Compassion in Corporate Coaching
Coaching with compassion must be considered by executive and business coaches, nurtured in senior executives, and modeled for the mid-level and junior employees making their way to the forefront of leadership.
Richard Boyatzis, considered by many to be one of the godfather's of coaching, believes coaching with compassion is the only way. I instantly resonated with this framework, which I learned about in “Helping People Change,” co-authored by Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten. The alternative to coaching with compassion is a dry, prescriptive, short-term oriented approach called coaching for compliance. It's as unoriginal as it is belittling. Continue reading if you’re curious about another way.
“I’m not sure if you’ve experienced coaching with compassion but given your seniority I can guarantee that you have both been led by and have probably lead others through coaching for compliance. ”
Think about a manager who told you what to do. Now think about a manager who asked you what you think you could do. Perhaps you've been fortunate enough to have a boss who collaboratively brainstormed ideas with you, like two members of a band. That's peeling back the curtain 1% on coaching for compliance versus coaching with compassion. Being told what to do in order to deliver an outcome versus being empowered to consider what it is about you, and what it is about the work that will inspire you, to both complete a task and enrich yourself.
The case against coaching with compassion is anchored in fear. It sounds something like this:
- We don't have time to "coach" our people
- I can't learn how to be compassionate, be a manager, and also get my work done
- Our people aren't the type to respond to "compassion"
- We have existing systems and protocols for a reason, compassion and coaching would disrupt that
To that last point: You’re damn right! When was the last time you got your hands dirty, anyway? I’m not talking about roughing it up by following orders. I’m talking about innovation. Innovation led by YOU. If you're curious enough to be reading these very words you're also probably curious and observant enough to notice - even if you've buried your findings - that your organization could use a little disruption.
- I don't want to be awkward.
- I don't want to look weak.
- I don’t want to look distracted.
No offense, you already do look weak. The good news is we all do. We're all vulnerable and powerful and confused and in control and out of control at all times. Not to get woo about it but lacking control while awkwardly stumbling through life and leadership is sort of what it's all about. That's the Learning Zone, the growth area, the edge. It's good to be there. It's good to have you here! Welcome! If you've been here for a while, hey how are ya, can I buy you a drink?
Moving along…
What is coaching with compassion?
Coaching with compassion, I'm going to steal this right from the pages of Richard Boyatzis, Melvin Smith, and Ellen Van Oosten's latest book, "Helping People Change:" coaching with a genuine sense of caring and concern, focusing on the other person, providing support and encouragement, and facilitating the discovery and pursuit of that person's dreams and passions. You are not alone and no one could blame you for reading that and instantly thinking:
- I am already someone's parent, aunt or uncle, I have neither the time nor energy to coddle adults in my organization.
- But who's caring about me, my dreams, my passions?
- If my whole organization starts focusing on its people then who the hell will focus on the product?!
What’s in it for you to start coaching with compassion?
Yes! Incentives! Now we’re talking. To name a few:
Talent acquisition costs freed up for other initiatives due to retention of exceptional people bought because their boss doesn’t talk about giving a sh*t s/he/they actually show it.
Efficient problem solving and problem anticipation by grown-ass adults who know their worth and intelligence; who know their employer knows their worth and intelligence; and who are eager to give it up for the organization because they’re proud to be a part of it.
Less expensive and longer-lasting client/customer relationships that run deeper than transactional, commodotized product delivery. Better reviews, net promoter scores, referral networks and sterling reputation follows suit. You know the drill. It’s the brand you dreamed about leading but refuse to believe could actually be your own.
How to start coaching with compassion?
I am jumping wildly ahead here in an effort to assuage anxious and skeptical leaders. Keeping this very simple for now:
- Research: Read, skim or ask for a ChatGPT summary of any of the books indexed below.
- Relationships: Text a few leaders you know to ask if/how they've approaching org change or individual leadership development. Ask them if they've ever heard of this coaching with compassion nonsense. They probably haven't. You might love being at the forefront. It's like a warp-speed ride through a meteor shower and those of us on the shuttle are pretty bad-ass.
- Reconnaissance: Reach out to a coach like me or a coach you used in the past. Just get the conversation going. Listen to your curiosity. It's one of your gifts.
- Reflection: This last one is real-world, immediate practice you can do on yourself: try out self-compassion. Today, when you get spun up, annoyed, confused, or doubtful about a decision you made or might have to make, slow down and take two minutes to ask yourself, "how are you doing? What makes you one of one? What's your dream for this project/career/life?"
Okay, that last question, you might not get the full answer until you're drinking from the silver cup up in the sky, but you can at least check in with it! The point here is to simply notice how asking questions from a place of care and concern shifts the mood and potentially the outcome of where you're headed for a moment.
There is so much more to be said about coaching with compassion. I haven't even scratched the surface of the surface here. But it has been weighing on me that I am not advocating enough for coaching with compassion - the very coaching I know and love to do for others and on myself with my own coach. I hope you explore coaching with compassion soon too.
Book Recommendations
Executive Leadership and the Hidden Challenge of Imposter Syndrome
Creating a workplace where employees feel valued, understood, and confident is essential for organizational success. For executive leaders, acknowledging Imposter Syndrome (IS) within their teams can be a game-changer in fostering a culture of trust, innovation, and peak performance.
Even if you've overcome IS yourself, it's vital to recognize and address this common challenge among your team members. By shedding light on the impact of IS in the workplace through credible data, we can explore strategies for executive leaders to effectively support their teams.
Let's navigate this together and empower your team to thrive!
In the realm of high-stakes decision-making and leadership, the echoes of Imposter Syndrome (IS) can often go unnoticed, yet its impact on individuals and teams within organizations is profound. IS, a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being exposed as a "fraud," does not spare any level of an organization, from new recruits to seasoned executives.
However, the focus here is not on the leaders who have overcome or are dealing with IS, but rather on the responsibility these leaders hold in recognizing and mitigating its effects on their personnel.
Understanding the Scope and Impact of IS in the Workplace
A Global Phenomenon: Research from the International Journal of Behavioral Science estimated that 70% of people will experience at least one episode of IS in their lives, highlighting its widespread nature across professions and cultures.
The High Cost of Doubt: A study by Access Commercial Finance found that 85% of UK workers experience IS, with over half feeling it affects their health. This statistic underlines the critical need for executive intervention in promoting mental wellness.
Innovation at Risk: Harvard Business Review points out that IS can stifle innovation, as individuals fearing exposure of incompetence may hesitate to propose new ideas or solutions.
Leadership Development: Data from KPMG revealed that 75% of executive women reported having experienced IS at some point in their career, suggesting that IS could be a significant barrier to leadership development and diversity in executive roles.
Organizational Performance: A study by Brigham Young University professors found that teams with members experiencing IS are less likely to engage in learning behavior, potentially hampering team performance and adaptability.
The Case for Executive Awareness and Support
Fostering a Culture of Belonging and Achievement
The acknowledgment of IS at the executive level is the first step toward cultivating an environment where all employees feel they genuinely belong and can achieve their best work. By understanding the nuances of IS and its effects, leaders can implement strategies that affirm individual contributions, celebrate diverse perspectives, and encourage professional growth.
Encouraging Innovation and Risk-Taking
Innovation is the lifeblood of any competitive business. Executives aware of the IS phenomenon can create safer spaces for their teams to experiment, fail, and learn without fear of judgment. This not only accelerates innovation but also builds a resilient organizational culture.
Enhancing Employee Engagement and Retention
Employees who feel supported in their professional insecurities are more likely to be engaged and committed to their roles. Addressing IS head-on can lead to higher job satisfaction, reduced turnover, and a stronger sense of loyalty to the organization.
Leadership Development and Succession Planning
By recognizing and mentoring potential leaders who might be held back by IS, executives can ensure a diverse and capable leadership pipeline. This approach not only breaks the cycle of IS but also promotes a culture of continuous professional development.
Strategies for Executive Leaders to Combat IS
Open Dialogue: Create opportunities for open conversations about IS and vulnerability. Sharing personal experiences with IS can demystify the syndrome and foster a culture of openness.
Recognition and Feedback: Regularly acknowledge individual and team achievements. Constructive feedback should be specific, focusing on strengths and areas for growth rather than criticisms that could exacerbate IS feelings.
Professional Development: Invest in training and development programs that emphasize skill-building, leadership development, and emotional intelligence. This investment signals a commitment to employee growth and confidence building.
Mentorship Programs: Implementing mentorship programs can provide employees with role models and advisors who can offer guidance, support, and reassurance, helping to navigate the challenges of IS.
Promote a Growth Mindset: Encourage a culture that views challenges and setbacks as opportunities to learn and grow. This mindset can help individuals internalize successes and view their achievements as a result of hard work and learning, rather than luck.
Resource Accessibility: Make resources on coping with IS readily available, including workshops, counseling services, and educational materials. Providing tools for self-help and professional guidance can empower employees to tackle IS proactively.
Conclusion: Your Role as a Leadership's in Diminishing IS
As executive leaders, the responsibility to cultivate a supportive and empowering workplace culture is paramount. Recognizing the pervasive nature of Imposter Syndrome and taking proactive steps to mitigate its impact is not just an act of compassion—it's a strategic imperative. By fostering an environment that celebrates achievements, encourages risk-taking, and supports professional growth, leaders can unlock the full potential of their teams, drive innovation, and secure a competitive edge in the ever-evolving business landscape.
In conclusion, the battle against IS in the workplace is ongoing, but with informed and compassionate leadership, it is a challenge that can be met with success. As leaders, embracing the role of mentor, advocate, and supporter in the fight against IS can transform the professional experience for many, leading to a more engaged, productive, and fulfilled workforce.
To learn more about Coach Dave O’Connor’s unique approach to helping individual clients and teams overcome imposter syndrome, schedule a discovery call today.
Tips for Those That Survive a Layoff
Since so much has been written by and for laid-off professionals, I wanted to offer a helping hand to anyone still at a company that has undergone layoffs.
Layoff survivors: this one’s for you.
As a former (recovering) national sales account executive in an HR SaaS company myself, I know the feeling of uncertainty that sales, marketing, talent acquisition, and product middle managers experience when a layoff is looming or executed. You hope that since you’re adding revenue and clients to the business, you're safe, but you never know.
The experience of a layoff, or reduction in force (RIF), can be incredibly difficult, not just for those who lost their jobs. Since so much has been written by and for laid-off professionals, I wanted to offer a helping hand to anyone still at a company that has undergone layoffs. Here are a few tips that I hope will help you get back on your feet after the gut punch that is a RIF.
Real Quick…
My own experience
I have witnessed three rounds of layoffs at one company and a modest RIF at another. It’s painful to see your friends go, and it’s rather unsettling to know you’re hanging around. I personally experienced bouts of survivor’s guilt and brain fog. For weeks that led to months, I was unsure of the “right” next step for my career, let alone how best to support my current and former colleagues. I was not alone.
Model behavior
A close friend of mine is the head of a large sales team at a 2,000+ employee global SaaS company that RIF’ed several hundred employees at the end of Q4 2022. I consider him a model for being a great colleague after a layoff.
Here’s what he did that I’d recommend you try as well:
He Took Care of Himself
Think of this as the moment every flight attendant instructs you to do before take-off: put on your own mask before assisting others. In other words, you can not sustainably serve those around you if you are not safe and secure. Here’s how to do it after a layoff:
Use your people: professionals (therapists, coaches, counselors, internal company support), friends, and family are at your disposal for external processing (AKA talking) about what is stirring in you.
Use your body: exercise, take walks, and switch up environments to activate your brain productively and give yourself a sense of control. Listen to your body through mindful breathing and meditation. The mind-body connection is real, and it is one of our greatest resources. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has written extensively about this in “The Body Keeps The Score.” While remaining at a company might feel like a blessing, it might also trigger a sense of trauma or even traumatic memories. Take it one day at a time, and let your body guide you to what you need.
Use your mind: journal, read, document, reflect, and strategize. You may feel compelled to freeze or take flight as the dust settles from the layoff. Check-in with yourself through independent reflection and planning to use discernment before making big decisions, especially if you are feeling reactionary.
And Then He Mobilized to Take Care of Others
I’m impressed with how much my friend communicated with his team members. From what I heard, he was a port in the storm for some and a catalyst for change for others. That goes for the employees who remained at the company and those who were let go. He even managed to loop one terminated employee into a surprise opening on his team. Here are a few takeaways from my friend’s success that you can put to use, even (or perhaps especially) if they push you outside of your comfort zone:
Be a leader in vulnerability: You may be part of a workplace culture or a one-on-one relationship with certain colleagues that requires you to take the first step in opening up. Being vulnerable is a rare and powerful form of leadership. Notice if you need to lead in starting the dialogue and harness your courage to do it.
Honor the truth: avoid gossip, speculation, drama, and fiction. Acknowledge what you know to be true about your experience, emotions, and hopes for yourself and your team members.
Be available: proactively welcome colleagues to schedule time on your calendar for coffee or Zoom calls specifically to process their experience with the layoff rather than to discuss work projects. In the coaching community, this is known as “holding the client’s agenda.” In the world of your colleagues, it’s much the same - invite your team members to tell you what they need to talk about, and then let them talk about it. It’s truly that simple.
Be present: Communication is as much about receiving information as it is presenting. Body language is critical to others’ safety, so when receiving their concerns, put your phone and other distractions aside and make eye contact. It’s pretty straightforward stuff: give your colleague your undivided attention. This is non-verbal communication at a critical moment, and it may prove to be more powerful than any words you share.
I Recommend: Take Care of Your Career, Too
This one is a bonus section for taking care of yourself.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs dictates that in the process of self-actualization (which I am a bit obsessed with, even in scary moments like layoffs or the COVID-19 pandemic), we need to address our survival needs before we can step into higher-level achievements. In a newer model for self-actualization by Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, Love and Purpose are at the peak of self-actualization.
Source: “Transcend” by Scott Barry Kaufman / Sailboat illustration by Andy Ogden
Buy “Transcend”: https://scottbarrykaufman.com/books/transcend/
I want to challenge you to consider how Love and Purpose can be integrated into your career in this here-and-now moment post-layoff, as well as across the open sea of a career you will look back on years from now.
A challenge
While the thoughts, assumptions, and emotions might still be running high for you:
write down or find someone to talk to about what you’re noticing about your life, as it is affected by a job impacted by layoffs, and vice versa: how does your life, or a vision of an ideal life, affect the career you want to shape over time?
Moments of uncertainty need to be met with the urgency of keeping oneself safe and secure. And they offer us extremely narrow, high-intensity windows into adversity we will return to again one day. The opportunity you have right now is to consider what you love and are purpose-driven to do so much so that being knocked off your horse, or watching others get knocked off of theirs, will not completely derail you from, as I like to say, “moving the plot forward.”
Conclusion
I do hope the examples I offered from the experiences my friend, and I went through help you navigate what’s happening now and next. You are well-equipped to care for yourself, your colleagues, and your career. You’ve got this! If I can serve you, please don’t hesitate to let me know.