The Case for Compassion in Corporate Coaching
Coaching with compassion must be considered by executive and business coaches, nurtured in senior executives, and modeled for the mid-level and junior employees making their way to the forefront of leadership.
Richard Boyatzis, considered by many to be one of the godfather's of coaching, believes coaching with compassion is the only way. I instantly resonated with this framework, which I learned about in “Helping People Change,” co-authored by Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten. The alternative to coaching with compassion is a dry, prescriptive, short-term oriented approach called coaching for compliance. It's as unoriginal as it is belittling. Continue reading if you’re curious about another way.
“I’m not sure if you’ve experienced coaching with compassion but given your seniority I can guarantee that you have both been led by and have probably lead others through coaching for compliance. ”
Think about a manager who told you what to do. Now think about a manager who asked you what you think you could do. Perhaps you've been fortunate enough to have a boss who collaboratively brainstormed ideas with you, like two members of a band. That's peeling back the curtain 1% on coaching for compliance versus coaching with compassion. Being told what to do in order to deliver an outcome versus being empowered to consider what it is about you, and what it is about the work that will inspire you, to both complete a task and enrich yourself.
The case against coaching with compassion is anchored in fear. It sounds something like this:
- We don't have time to "coach" our people
- I can't learn how to be compassionate, be a manager, and also get my work done
- Our people aren't the type to respond to "compassion"
- We have existing systems and protocols for a reason, compassion and coaching would disrupt that
To that last point: You’re damn right! When was the last time you got your hands dirty, anyway? I’m not talking about roughing it up by following orders. I’m talking about innovation. Innovation led by YOU. If you're curious enough to be reading these very words you're also probably curious and observant enough to notice - even if you've buried your findings - that your organization could use a little disruption.
- I don't want to be awkward.
- I don't want to look weak.
- I don’t want to look distracted.
No offense, you already do look weak. The good news is we all do. We're all vulnerable and powerful and confused and in control and out of control at all times. Not to get woo about it but lacking control while awkwardly stumbling through life and leadership is sort of what it's all about. That's the Learning Zone, the growth area, the edge. It's good to be there. It's good to have you here! Welcome! If you've been here for a while, hey how are ya, can I buy you a drink?
Moving along…
What is coaching with compassion?
Coaching with compassion, I'm going to steal this right from the pages of Richard Boyatzis, Melvin Smith, and Ellen Van Oosten's latest book, "Helping People Change:" coaching with a genuine sense of caring and concern, focusing on the other person, providing support and encouragement, and facilitating the discovery and pursuit of that person's dreams and passions. You are not alone and no one could blame you for reading that and instantly thinking:
- I am already someone's parent, aunt or uncle, I have neither the time nor energy to coddle adults in my organization.
- But who's caring about me, my dreams, my passions?
- If my whole organization starts focusing on its people then who the hell will focus on the product?!
What’s in it for you to start coaching with compassion?
Yes! Incentives! Now we’re talking. To name a few:
Talent acquisition costs freed up for other initiatives due to retention of exceptional people bought because their boss doesn’t talk about giving a sh*t s/he/they actually show it.
Efficient problem solving and problem anticipation by grown-ass adults who know their worth and intelligence; who know their employer knows their worth and intelligence; and who are eager to give it up for the organization because they’re proud to be a part of it.
Less expensive and longer-lasting client/customer relationships that run deeper than transactional, commodotized product delivery. Better reviews, net promoter scores, referral networks and sterling reputation follows suit. You know the drill. It’s the brand you dreamed about leading but refuse to believe could actually be your own.
How to start coaching with compassion?
I am jumping wildly ahead here in an effort to assuage anxious and skeptical leaders. Keeping this very simple for now:
- Research: Read, skim or ask for a ChatGPT summary of any of the books indexed below.
- Relationships: Text a few leaders you know to ask if/how they've approaching org change or individual leadership development. Ask them if they've ever heard of this coaching with compassion nonsense. They probably haven't. You might love being at the forefront. It's like a warp-speed ride through a meteor shower and those of us on the shuttle are pretty bad-ass.
- Reconnaissance: Reach out to a coach like me or a coach you used in the past. Just get the conversation going. Listen to your curiosity. It's one of your gifts.
- Reflection: This last one is real-world, immediate practice you can do on yourself: try out self-compassion. Today, when you get spun up, annoyed, confused, or doubtful about a decision you made or might have to make, slow down and take two minutes to ask yourself, "how are you doing? What makes you one of one? What's your dream for this project/career/life?"
Okay, that last question, you might not get the full answer until you're drinking from the silver cup up in the sky, but you can at least check in with it! The point here is to simply notice how asking questions from a place of care and concern shifts the mood and potentially the outcome of where you're headed for a moment.
There is so much more to be said about coaching with compassion. I haven't even scratched the surface of the surface here. But it has been weighing on me that I am not advocating enough for coaching with compassion - the very coaching I know and love to do for others and on myself with my own coach. I hope you explore coaching with compassion soon too.
